dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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