I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
