Tell her she can't have a vagina
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
