dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
