Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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