just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
