Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
