You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
