I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
