sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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