I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i barfeds in our rink
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
