I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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