I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
