Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize