I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
