dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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