he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
