I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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