I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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