i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
