I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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