So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My liver just broke up with me...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
