So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
