Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
