he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
