boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
