If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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