Quick, to the slutcave!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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