do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We had to coat check the pizza.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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