just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
