So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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