If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
