no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
