Cold hands, warm shart.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
