Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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