I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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