he told me I talked like a deaf person
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
