U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
