so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
