Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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