is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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