Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
