there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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