I'm jealous of your bromance
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize