I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
