operation harelip BJ is a go
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
