so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I had to cum in my sink.
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