Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
