Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
