Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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