I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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