Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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