My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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