she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
