I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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