I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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