eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
