i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
