I'm really into asian looking animals
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
