youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize