somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
