All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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