god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
