Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
