...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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