look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
