her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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