He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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