If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
there is glitter all over my balls
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