It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize