Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
