tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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