Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
