who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
