I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
