If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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