If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
