dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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