the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In other news, I just burned my penis
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
