In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
