he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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