We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
