It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize