He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
