those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
