dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize