Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
