what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
