Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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