If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
