I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
