Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
