I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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