The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
