The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
