I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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