What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
