So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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