I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Alive.
So much puke
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
