We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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