Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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