Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
