I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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