it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
