is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
