I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
